All Quotes, Hilarious

33 Beautiful Hilarious Quotes

Life needs to be hilarious. Life is actually hilarious by many means. Even our expectations or dreams what we have to may seem hilarious tomorrow. This is a collection of hilarious quotes and sayings.


Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. - Oscar Wilde
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. Lesson is, never try. - Homer Simpson
Where there's a will, there's a relative. - Ricky Gervais
Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C.S. Lewis
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston S. Churchill
Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go. - George R.R. Martin
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin
Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower. - Urban Saying
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. - Robert Bloch
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. - Steven Wright
Two passing jetliners reported to controllers they’d seen a man with a gun seated on a deck chair at eleven thousand feet. - Tom Magliozzi
The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do the dishes. - Urban Saying
Don’t tempt the scorpion if you don’t want to get stung. - Colleen Hoover
The majority of boys think the highest form of creativity is weeing a pattern into snow. - Beth Garrod
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way. -Urban Saying
Terrorism is just a whole other level of anger management issues. - Thisuri Wanniarachchi
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. - Urban Saying
Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do. - Urban Saying
Roses are wilting, Violets are dead, The sugar bowl is empty,and so is your head. - WeeKittyAndTAT
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. - Lex Martin
The greater the pain, the greater the fun. - Leinad Eibam
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square? - Urban Saying
Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out. - Urban Saying
Victoria's got her secrets. Hey, so do I! - Si Robertson
Nobody ever goes to that store to shop because it’s too crowded. - Sol Luckman
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation? - Urban Saying
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. - Richard Jeni
The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it's a potato with fur. - Urban Saying
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Mark Twain
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
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